BOY Was My Mind Messy Today!

The original reason for this blog was kind of a place to journal my heart and not just the photos of the kids and our day to day activities.  And today was quite a test for me.  Last night, as I finished up a song to my oldest child, he grabbed my hand as he does every night and begged me to lay with him.  And as I do most nights I soothe him and say that he needs to go to sleep on his own and I love him.  We read our books, he had his own quiet reading time, said the prayers, sang the songs... and now isn't it my time to get my things done and maybe watch a show?  All the books say they need to go to sleep on their own!  Eight years I have been the strong one on this.

But he is growing up.  And guess what?  At thirteen he won't want me around so much.  And at thirteen I might be able to keep up with the laundry, volunteer with more outside organizations, work more, clean more, read more and watch TV.  My head knows this.  My heart knows this.  Yet even as I wake up determined to spend more quality time with them and let THEM lead our lives... I still fight for "my" time and find it hard to give up more.

And now I think... I have missed eight years.  I am wrong!

So today I cried a lot!  And I went to school and volunteered again (my name was on the volunteer sheet that was on the clipboard three times on the one page).  I did that knowing I needed to fold laundry and organize this house.  But I have been told by both kids that they love me there and want me there more.  So I went.  Today he asked me to read with HIM during Accelerated Reader time.  Normally that would not work because he simply does not "need" help reading as other kids do.  But he does need me.  So I did.  But when it was time to go...he cried.  He told me his stomach was aching because he wanted me with him. 

Today I wanted chocolate!  Today I craved soda!  Today I wanted to snack to my hearts content.  Because today my heart was sad.

Today I cried.  I cried over all the things I have not done with my kids.  All the painting we never do.  All the playing I don't do enough of.  All the laying in bed at night when they ask and I don't.  All the times I was eager to come downstairs and have that comforting bowl of ice cream when I knew they were tucked in.  All the crafts supplies I buy and don't use with them.  All the moms out there who blog all these amazing things they do with their kids, all the memories they make... and I long to do.  All the days missed and gone.

Today I cried!  I cried because I clean non-stop but yet my house seems to be the most cluttered and messy of all I know.  Of people who DO more things with their kids.  What is wrong with ME?  I admit to volunteering to help the school, Junior Service and frankly anyone else that asks.  It is part of me.

Bedtime is exhausting!  It isn't easy.  So I keep telling myself... someday I will wish I would have one more chance to beg him to stop running around naked and actually get his pajamas on.  I am going to wish I could have one more chance to hear him asking me to brush his teeth for him instead of forcing him to do it himself... I mean he IS eight for goodness sake... shouldn't he be able to brush his teeth? 

Swing with me?  Play ball with me?   Dance with me?  Sing with me?

Remember how that song goes...?

"My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

My weight stayed the same today.  No gain and no loss.  I worked out on the treadmill and the trampoline (which by the way Lexi thinks is the best thing we have ever brought into this house and she made up a song about it.)  I managed to NOT eat that chocolate or drink that soda.  But I cried a lot.  Does that burn calories?

As weight stayed the same but I am hoping my priorities didn't.  More time with the kids.  Later, when I "have" time then they won't want me and the bonding won't be the same.  My strides with them were not huge today.  But I am hoping they will be better tomorrow and even better the next day.

Make time!  Remind me, please, to make time!  I have a LOT of time to make up for!

For now.. I know what song will be playing when we eat breakfast tomorrow!

I have spent the last hour desperately trying to figure out how to upload this song from my computer to this post.  But I can't.  So here a clip of "Have a Little Fun With Me" on Amazon until I can figure this out.  Need to go to bed.  Seriously!  Just spent an HOUR on this one thing!

http://www.amazon.com/Have-Little-Fun-Me/dp/B0045E9MQA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327641153&sr=8-1

Until tomorrow...

brand new day, its still early
Just you
And me
There's nowhere else I'd rather be here with
Havin' fun
Making faces- said I love you

play with me
run with me
have a little fun with me
stay out late and watch stars with me
camp out in the backyard with me
wake up for pancakes and blueberries
you'll have coco, I'll have tea

Well, cleanse day was not so bad.  Plus, I did not wake up starving!  Yeah!  I even worked out on my treadmill before doing my morning shake because I read that doing a protein shake after a workout repairs the muscles that have been stretched and torn in a session plus keeps metabolism up.  Not sure but have read it many times recently.  So I decided to have my Isagenix "shot" of morning goodness and then go for the treadmill.

Um... I did fine, worked out fine, got off to make my shake and... got dizzy.  Duh!  Maybe working out on pretty much a stomach that had not had true food for 36 hours was not super smart.  Learned!  Was good after the shake had 30 minutes to soak in my system.

Then I weighed in!  137.5 lbs!  Over 6 lbs lost!  That is over 4% of my body weight!  


Measurements (I will only journal this once a week)
Arm - 12" (same)
Waist - 35"  (down 1/2")
Butt/hip - 41" (same)
Thigh - 23" (down 1" !!!! this is my problem area)
Calf - 14" (same)

Did my normal routine all day and ate out for dinner.  Tried to be good.

Okay, I admit that those dang tortilla chips are so hard to resist when the basket is in front of your face!

"Hello, Trina, you know you love us... we don't hurt you!  We are your friend!"

Well, I admit I broke rather quickly.  But literally!  I took a chip and broke off tiny, itty bitty pieces and ate them.  So I had only eaten 3-4 by the time the food arrived.  Grilled chicken salad.  Not sure of calories.  Should have held the cheese but never have them put dressing on it.  Any ideas?  I only ate half and brought the other half home to eat tomorrow night for dinner.  

Off to bed.  Happy Hump Day!