I guess this is my own diary. Figure nobody will read it but me. Just some place for me to vent my frustrations and whine some days. Hopefully I will also dance and sing about staying home with the kids on other days. I am a career person mentally so this staying home with the kids thing is proving to be quite a challenge. Put together the things I hate doing most... getting up early (oops, up with the kids every day), cleaning (yep, over and over all day), cooking (uh..gotta eat) and doing repetative simple tasks (played with a toddler lately). I know it is bad to think these things but if someone put a job posting in the classifieds and covered all the things a stay at home mom does all day long... I wonder how many applications they would get.
I admit the plus side, eating fast food so your kids can play in the playland in the cold of winter, no real boss (if you ignore the judgement of the spouse) and job security. The pay is low financially but high emotionally on most days (okay, my oldest is 3 years old and he can be quite emotionally draining right now). I love mothering my children. I just hate, hate all the rest. I hate cleaning and it seems all I do is clean. Why doesn't my house get any cleaner? Can someone please tell me that? I swear if anyone drops by they would think I sit on my tush all day watching TV.
I did watch TV today... for 45 minutes while I ate my lunch at 2:00 after getting the kids down for a nap. This is just now what I saw myself doing 15 years ago when I was deciding a career. If you had asked me then it would have been ... being an actress (yes, I love to be a bit dramatic) or wearing a suit and bossing people around with my own office and staff. I was a career person. But getting laid off when my child was 7 months old put an end to that. So we thought... let's give this a try. Wow! I keep trying. Every day I try and try and try.
So, for the next 5 years I will be here. Whining to myself online. Crying about it when I have PMS. And trying to live up to the image that I have in my head of what a good mom should be but falling miles short of it.
